What I should have said but was too drunk: "Oh. Then you know how vain I can be."
I leave Vancouver on Saturday and I am incredibly sad about it. So much so that I attempted to engage in emotional eating but...standing in the chip aisle at Safeway proved to be overwhelming and I started to cry and wander without aim making more practical purchases such as a loaf of french bread, sliced lunch meat and a bottle of water.
Kate left today. It was sad. Jackie and I got up early and we cooked breakfast for her- eggs, bacon and orange slices. Kate goes to Calgary and then off to Paris for next term. Hopefully she'll contact me when she in the city in January and we can visit the castro and shop at the haight (and she can meet my adorable four legged boyfriend-Disco!) Kate gave me this fantastic card and some
Durex play quivers (freezable lube) which I'm looking forward to trying out and hope that I am given the opportunity to...very soon...because I'm going to recommit to abstinence after New Years because that proved to work really well for me last year. And while the re-negotiation was pleasant, it proved to become a crutch while I was here in Vancouver.
Saturday I went to the Wolf & Hound and got wrecked...it wasn't a good kind of wrecked either. At the end of the night all I wanted to do was go home and be by myself (read= sleep sprawled out on my bed). It was fantastic to see people there, each of them very special to me. Chrissy and Kate Monstrr (not to be confused with roomie Parisan Kate) got this FANTASTIC bruschetta with goat cheese- it was the most delicious thing I'd eaten that night. I wrote 'valentines' to everyone who had RSVPed yes and was grateful to not have a single one left in my purse (which means they all came). But...I am also sad about it...I think I may have taken some people's presence for granted and allowed myself to be consumed in various oral pleasures. hmmmm....there really is no way of knowing.
I also saw Morgane for what may be the last time here in Vancouver. She's really very sweet, we met at the gym (after she had seen me at GALA) early in the term and we ended up having a class together. It made me pretty sad. I attempted to engage in retail therapy at the dollar store near campus but found it frustrating and lacking what it was that I sought. But that's okay because I went to meet Sara at a coffee shop and there was a dollar store there that I found a few goods at. However, upon leaving the coffee shop I saw someone who reminded me of my nephew Andrew (If Andrew was about fifteen years older) and I got really upset...because of course I think about how those boys are just getting SCREWED and how heart breaking it is to witness the rejections they experience and how I just want them to feel safe and loved. Of course that has a lot to do with my own healing experience.
Anyways- a lot of emotions coming up: Love, Gratitude and some Sadness. I mean- this has been an amazing experience. Like...fantastic.
I called Mister Heller on a hung over Sunday and he was quite emphatic about how much this sucks. I told him the way he was talking would seem that I am leaving him and not Vancouver- he told me that he just remembers how much it sucked when he had to leave California. And I understood (thanks for the sympathy Mister H). Mister Heller also told me he wrote a fair number of letters to different people to try to make sense of the experience. I think that is a fantastic way of coping (for me- I don't know if that was the purpose of the letter writing for him). I could write a letter to the woman I've crushed on all term- who fascinates me endlessly and whom I want to get to know better. I could write a letter to the male body I've crushed on for about a half a term and explain I think we could have a rich collaborative relationship (not to be confused with a romantic relationship) and apologize for the extremely awkward interaction we had at the Pendulum yesterday.
...I could and perhaps I will...meh who knows.
Also- after I get back to california I will be returning to my sarahdelasol blog which currently has privacy settings to make it invitation only. If you can't access this blog, and would like to shoot me an e-mail and I'll 'put you on the list' (but please don't say you're with the DJ- even those of you are ARE DJ's or married to one *wink*) http://sarahdelasol.blogspot.com <---check it.
I really don't know what else to say...I have a final exam on Friday. I couldn't find a fairy that wasn't hyper-sexualized for Katelynn (she wanted a fairy action figure for Christmas) OH! I got B+ in my Feminist Methods of Qualitative Research Course and am awaiting grades for my other courses (a 78 is a B+ here! I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT- awesome).
Oh-and the scar from my fall earlier this term is totally freakin' adorable.
